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There was a time in my life where I considered myself to be a hopeless romantic. I thought it was a title to be adorned. My perception of a hopeless romantic was someone who possessed a huge heart and deeply believed in the power of love and romance. While there’s nothing wrong with love and romance and the beauty it can produce within our lives, I discovered that there is an imbalance embedded in the “hopeless romantic” title.
This was revealed to me through my journey of discovering that I was suffering from a form of co-dependency. This discovery came to me thru a major epiphany after a failed relationship (or should I call it a situation) with a guy who was completely emotionally unavailable – and after doing some much needed reflecting and research, one could even identify him as Narcissistic.
Until then, I could not understand why I struggled to develop the long-lasting relationship I deeply desired. But after my “ah ha” moment (as Oprah often calls them) the dots started connecting rapidly. I was able to identify unhealthy patterns I had repeated a few times. Almost every relationship until that realization, involved me feeling neglected by my partner. I also recognized similar emotional traits in a few men I dated. They were all emotionally unavailable to some degree.
The Healing Journey
Through my healing journey I realized: I kept attracting this type of situation – because I was carrying energetic blockages due to childhood trauma. My bonding experiences as a child left me disconnected from myself, living with a void that I was trying to fill through outside relationships. Outside, as in: outside of my relationship with myself. When this became clear, I was able to see how big of a hidden issue childhood trauma is. And specifically how it can leave us suffering from co-dependency, narcissism and other emotional issues.
I also saw how co-dependency disguises itself as a “Hopeless Romantic”. Hopeless romantics usually reside in a state of loving the idea of love, daydreaming about it, seeking the feeling of it, and longing for a sense of deep connection. Pictures of couples and relationship quotes serve as a trigger, igniting the passion for a partner, but the truth is: the love and connection that a hopeless romantic seeks is the self-love and self-connection they lack. This lack repels authentic love and so it oftentimes eludes them, like chasing rain drops.
What is Co-dependency?
Codependents seek the attachment, approval and validation they did not receive from one or both of their parents or the adults who stood in for their parents. This is usually due to an emotionally unavailable and/or completely absent parent; contributed to drug addiction, alcohol abuse, work addiction, single parent household and in some uncontrollable cases, the death of a parent.
The result is a child that grows up to be an adult who is disconnected from self, suffering from a lack of self-love, seeking to fill their voids through other people. This can look very different for each of us, depending on our own personal journey. For some, the seeking may be solely through romantic relationships, for others, it may be through friendships and/or both.
The hurt and rejection that keeps showing up in the form of a romantic partner or friendship is really the energetic imprint of hurt and rejection that we are carrying within, being reflected back to us in physical form. Once we recognize the need for healing and start doing the work, these types of relationships will cease to show-up. I know this, because I have lived it.
After being in a state of deep introspection and healing for a little over a year, I attracted a partner that was totally opposite from the last personalities I had dated. He was much more emotionally available, considerate of me and loving, but we both had things to do and we couldn’t do it together. After our separation, I went through the height of my spiritual awakening. Which led me to believe that was part of the reason we separated. Because neither of us knew exactly why we were breaking up. It was the sweetest, kindest, breakup I’d ever experienced. It had all the signs of a twinflame – but only time will tell.
Go From Hopeless To Healed
If you previously identified yourself as a “hopeless romantic”; or see where you may be suffering from childhood trauma due to insufficient bonding with your parents – or maybe you did properly bond with your parents, but you never received validation from your peers due to excessive amounts of teasing, bullying or peer abuse. Whatever the underlying cause may be, I hope this share encouraged you to dig deeper into you, into your patterns, hurts and desires and see if there’s some imbalance hidden within.
◊ Is there some energetic imprints that you are unaware of and/or are ignoring?
◊ Could you be suffering from co-dependency and not even realize it?
Allow yourself to ponder these questions and then find the courage to go on a healing journey, cultivate more self-love, more self-connection and break free from the bondage of childhood trauma!
The best relationship we can have, is the relationship with ourselves.
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