Are You Suffering From A Lack Of Self-Connection?

How To Identify if You Are Disconnected From Yourself

Self-connection was not something I learned growing up. The concept and importance of it developed out of my need to find peace within myself and the circumstances around me. Until a few years ago, I was more disconnected from myself than I realized. I thought my constant caring for others was normal and honorable. I had pretty much cared for others all of my life. With my mom being a single mother; I helped her care for my younger brother and sister while she worked.

Then, I barely grew into my own journey before becoming a mother to my two children by the age of 19 yrs. Pair that with a lack of proper bonding with my parents during my developmental stages and you have a me that was left without any grounded connection to myself. This manifested in how I showed up in relationships with others. There were times I would agree to favors, outings, and ideas that I did not authentically resonate with, times I responded yes, when I really wanted to say no. These examples are evidence of a lack of self-connection which also correlates to a lack of self-love.

The Disconnection

When we are disconnected from ourselves, more times than not, we prioritize other people wants and needs over our own and we have a tendency to exalt others over us; including praising their talents & abilities while ignoring ours. We will show up for them more than we do for ourselves and neglect to build upon on our own dreams. Part of the reason we do this is because most of us were conditioned with the belief that self-care equates to selfishness. But this is far from the truth. Truth is: better care for you will result in better care for others. Your impact on the collective will be much greater because they will witness a more balanced person; someone who’s grounded and highly effective in their approach to life.

Another Contributing Factor

Another contributing factor for a lack of self-connection and self-love is childhood trauma. A great majority of us are suffering from childhood trauma and we don’t realize it. I remember talking to someone about some relationship patterns that kept showing up in their life and I couldn’t help but to think: oh my goodness, this is all related to how she bonded with her parents during early development. I started to ask her questions about her childhood, mentioning that it could be due to the parenting she received and in her response, she started explaining how she had a great childhood, with her parents being good providers for both her and her siblings. I didn’t want to press too deep into the conversation because I did not get the sense that my digging deeper would be welcomed – but our talk left me with the understanding that a lot of us can think our childhood was great because our material needs were met – but the deeper questions we need to ask ourselves to heal are:

Did I feel seen?
Did I feel heard?
Did I feel valued and protected?

And for many of us the answer is probably, no. There are numerous reasons for this, but the one I think of most is: repeated cycles from past generations. People usually give what they have received and because we come from such a traumatic history in humanity as a whole, we’ve been perpetuating the same limited-love behaviors for quite some time now, living from a place of survival vs. peace & love.

Attachment Styles

Because of this, we also develop unhealthy attachment styles; deeply affecting our relationship with ourselves, our friends & family and especially, our romantic partners. Our attachment style also affects our decision-making and approach to life choices in general. I found these two animated youtube videos to be very helpful in painting a clearer picture of how this looks in our day-to-day life. They both are short films, but very concise. I noticed that they use slight title variances of attachment styles, but the descriptions of each are extremely similar. I recommend watching them both.

If reading this and you're now wondering if any of it applies to you, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

Are the relationships in my life balanced? (Meaning: do the people I show up for reciprocate the same amount of care and concern for me?)
Do I feel a sense of obligation towards others?
Do I spend a good amount of time alone to check- in with myself? – Or am I constantly showing up for others over me?
Do I jump in and out of romantic relationships?
Do I often feel lonely or alone even when I’m around others?
Am I constantly changing environments with new people I start to call my friends?
Do I often feel like my needs aren’t being met by my family, friends and/or romantic partner?
Do I seek validation from others and feel rejected when I don’t receive their attention/approval?
Do I invest a lot of my time helping others build their dreams while neglecting my own?

Seeing yourself in these questions? It’s okay. A lot of us have been here and are still here. Take a deep breath and forgive yourself for not seeing the disconnection before – and let today be the beginning of change. Make a commitment to start connecting with yourself. Seek out the reasons why the disconnection may have manifested to begin with and then choose to forgive that also. Then think of some ways you feel would best help you heal. Things you can do to cultivate more self-love and self-approval. Seek out your own personal interest and gifts and then share them with the world. If you enjoy volunteering, helping the elderly, the less fortunate, animals or whatever your heart calls you towards, you should definitely continue to do that. Just remember to keep a balance and support yourself as much as you support others. And do not hesitate to seek professional help if necessary. Our emotional health is what rule our world.

When we are healed individually, we are healed collectively.

Lets Talk About It!

Join the conversation for this topic by clicking the icon above. We would love to hear from you!

Share this post

Looking for more?

Choose one of the recent post below or return to the blog page for more inspirational shares, delicious recipes, health topics and much more by clicking the button below.

Author